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parasite

by Ada Rook

supported by
skyfell1
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skyfell1 Extremely talented and fresh new landscapes. Thank you Favorite track: somehow.
bedaxxle
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bedaxxle Not much to say other than wow. Favorite track: parasite.
SUPRAQUENCER
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SUPRAQUENCER A good follow-up album to shed blood, with this very unique ambiance and smashing lyrics i can't get enough of. I'm really eager to see what her other projects will be ! Favorite track: asphalt.
Lucretia Rage
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Lucretia Rage It feels very much about suffering and struggle, but in that there's still a shining glimmer of hope, and it's really beautiful Favorite track: disease.
caroline mckenzie
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caroline mckenzie Words pretty much fail me because these songs are so beautiful but so painful. I need this music. Favorite track: disease.
jackamacka1
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jackamacka1 I'd never heard any of rook's stuff before this, and wow. This made me wanna here everything everything she's done. Incredibly abrasive but brutally personal in its own way Favorite track: trust.
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1.
escape 02:11
it's getting hard to tell myself that i am not just someone else the person that i used to be is getting hard to reconcile with me i know i've come so far and stayed alive for so long but the vestigial parts of my mind still visit me from time to time never far from this the tightness in my stomach and my chest i hold myself together day-to-day and hope for something that will guarantee my next breath and the one after and maybe leave me stronger than this broken creature scrawling out impenetrable sentences that hide the truth of everything that i have been through parasitic thoughts reduce my agency to nothing not this again i just got over the last time never far from this the tightness in my stomach and my chest this is all i have left the tightness in my stomach and my chest
2.
trust 03:10
i dream of floating through the world alone a ticket to a place where i can be something that i have never known where is home a girl set adrift, am i becoming this do i have a name do i have a soul i don't want to understand but this is so much more complex than circumstance what did i have memory is hard to trust am i at fault for feeling what i am i try to convince myself that i can repair the scars and holes there is anger at the thought of being what i'm not this is all that i have known, so i can't feel it, i don't know i am haunted i am cold i don't want to understand but this is so much more complex than circumstance what did i have memory is hard to trust am i at fault for feeling what i am
3.
forget 03:25
i can make it out i can start again i can be someone else i can pretend in the colors of this moment i can comprehend the parts of me i must destroy but they cannot break, only bend in a perfect dream i'm forgotten, i'm long dead i am someone else no part of me in her head i can step away from this i can step into the red my body fails again please just tell me what did you intend? my soul is the shape of a bad dream there are tides of evil that if i end my life will recede but it is not the end i'm not awake, i'm not asleep there was something you once said i can't remember, i'm so weak
4.
tomorrow 02:03
i hold my breath and wait for something a different life to eat my soul and leave me dying just keep it together until the end tomorrow when you can crawl a little closer to death OH GOD PLEASE LET ME DIE WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE
5.
flicker 03:31
i know i'm asking you but i'm so scared i can barely breathe i know that i can be so much more if i can find the strength to i need help with this i can't seem to do it myself the thought of giving up control stops me from so much that i need i know that i can be so much more if i just let you i can barely i can i can barely breathe i don't see the pieces coming apart i don't know why i know that i can be so much more i know
6.
ok 02:49
7.
host 03:42
it comes from outside the mind all defenses compromised it comes from inside the soul it's already in you, you know i'm so sorry i'm so scared of everything when i am there i try to tell you why i'm like this but i only make it worse a crisis of the heart, of the brain come apart, why am i even alive who are you what am i please make me die it's what you know but can't say it burns all your healing away stripping bare the bones of what you thought you had to be to kill the fear of what you're not but you are caught and it is free and screaming "i'm so terrified of you now" the spiral doesn't end it always starts again there's only fear of mind there is no peace inside THE SPIRAL DOES NOT END IT ONLY STARTS AGAIN THERE IS ONLY FEAR OF MIND THERE IS NO PEACE INSIDE i don't know myself i just want to be okay i don't know who you are to me i just need to feel safe can you help me? please
8.
disease 03:47
i saw the light of what you were to me burning like a beacon just out of reach the terror spilled out from a secret place pushing everyone i love so far away i think that i have a secret i can't tell falling backwards, safety broken i wish you well i know that deep inside there's just disease a wound inside a rotting memory but amidst the wreckage and the sparks and blood i can still find faces and names that i love for all my cold lugubriosity i just want you to be happy with and without me. i cannot feel my place in this anymore
9.
asphalt 02:23
i hope when you think of me years from now you feel nothing i still remember what you said to me when i was 15 screaming about killing myself on my bedroom floor i hope you understand i still doubt myself about things you have no idea happened to me you never fucking knew me and i never fucking knew you and sometimes i see your face in people i love and i hate you people say "no matter where you go, there you are" as if it's fucking true eight words that i tried to kill with the weakness of my emaciated body as i cursed this town from the asphalt the sky in this place looks familiar and i'm so scared i woke up here again and i memorize the sky and the trees and the asphalt and i'm dying just kill me already and bury my soul in the asphalt do you remember? what the solution to all of my problems was as you spoke it you did not know what to do with me "don't say that" "don't think bad thoughts" did you know the name of what you were inflicting? speak truth to me lock eyes with me ***HAVE YOU EVER LET YOURSELF FEEL ANYTHING?*** okay.
10.
damage 03:59
i want to be a hole in your memory i keep myself away from you i keep myself away from the thought of you i want to be a hole in your memory i didn't cause the kind of damage i'd hoped for but i still felt somewhere else for days trying to bring myself back from nowhere or just trying to escape did you really not hate yourself? your soul's so fucking strong under all your pain i broke so early and i still don't feel okay i still want to be a hole in your memory i still want to burn myself out of your haunted eyes i still want to kill my body and fall so far i'll never make it back alive i don't wish things had been better i wish i'd died i wish there was nothing to connect me to that life i can't convey the hate i have for who i used to be i wanna wreck her mind so she won't have the chance to become me hold me close and tell me everything's alright
11.
somehow 05:53
i was scattered and broken but you saw the rest of me you heard what i had to leave unspoken you understood what i had to be can i ever be whole again or is this it? crying in your arms again and hating it i'm carving at my soul to make it fit cut my skin away so i can live i feel like something that should not be alive a puncture wound in the goodness of your life i know my gentleness is rotten inside when you say that you love me it makes me want to cry can i ever be whole again or is this it? crying in your arms again and hating it i'm carving at my soul to make it fit cut my skin away so i can live i'm holding on somehow i'm still alive for now can i ever be whole again or is this it? crying in your arms again i must be faking it i'm carving at my soul to make it fit cut my skin away so i can live it makes me terrified it makes me sick and when i'm in it i cannot resist i tried to die but i could not commit and it feels so much worse to see you hurting from what i did
12.
cocoon 03:26
the wires in my body connect me to this place i can't control the signal it sends to the pieces of my brain every time i look away it comes back to life every time i think i'm safe it just starts all over again this is all i know repetition burning slow it doesn't go it doesn't it doesn't go it never goes it just holds me down the wires in my body connect me to this place i can't control the signal it sends to the pieces of my brain every time i
13.
parasite 04:49
i can only tell you what i've recovered i can only tell you what i know there are parts of me that broke into pieces there are parts that only cracked like stone and in the stillness of the moment there is doubt i can't afford to show there's awareness that i can't tell the difference between what i call hell and home i can feel myself slipping away with every step i take but you're right here with me i can feel myself slipping away with every step i take but you're here i know it's not all that i am (but it takes her over) i know i'm so much more than that (does anyone even know her?) some days it feels like i've already died some days i don't feel anything inside i can feel myself slipping away with every step i take but you're right here with me i can feel myself slipping away with every step i take but you're right here with me i can feel myself slipping away with every step i take but you're right here i can feel myself slipping away away with you with you.

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support me on patreon so i can keep paying rent and making music! if you pledge $5 or more, you'll have access to this album as well as all my other albums for free:
www.patreon.com/AdaRook

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released September 25, 2018

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Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario

im rook from black dresses

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