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separated from her twin, a dying android arrives on a mysterious island.

by Ada Rook

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1.
a gentle life i'll get there someday so soft and bright and so far away i think i've been here before long ago, i remember this place a different life washed up on the shore float away as the memories fade there's a whisper hidden underground there's a secret rippling thru the air a safer world, nowhere hide out in the open and hope that someone sees your heart and they know a gentle life i'll get there someday so soft and bright and so far away the clock rewinds the vigilance fades so soft and bright and so far away you've got to go away you know that things will never be the same you've got to go away you know that things will never be the same you've got to go away you know that things will never be the same you've got to go away you know that things will never be the same a gentle life i'll get there someday so soft and bright and so far away
2.
do you remember me after everything you removed to find yourself? have you become the stories of all the worlds that we would dream of? i hope that you never think of me, truthfully everything that you are: the light of a distant star i love you how do you feel now that you're on your own far away? do you still miss the way it was in the moment? shining so bright, you never fade away in my mind only in dreams the distance collapses i still pray for you every day, please forgive me "destroy all traces of me in her imagination" i know this is no longer your home i know this is no longer your home how does it feel so far away? i still miss you every day how does it feel so far away? i still miss miss you how do you feel now that you're on your own far away? do you still miss the way it was in the moment? shining so bright, you never fade away in my mind only in dreams the distance collapses i still pray for you every day, please forgive me "destroy all traces of me in her imagination" somewhere far beyond the failings of this life somewhere far away from everything familiar you are standing there alone unrecognizeable and full of hope forever
3.
there was a world that could hold everything ancient, alive, surrounded by light, breathing cities are grey, the color of souls running to home, running from home we are fuel for what this world became the fantasy fades every day these streets are so familiar kill all memory forever every new dream, every new home every new fear all fade like the weather starting again, heart full of hope all of these years will not be remembered when we were there, the language we thought we knew misunderstood, but believing we shared a truth scared and confused, treasure and pain building a world so we could be home again does it ever work out like the dream or only move beyond our reach? i heard they made it, disappeared our world a little smaller every new dream, every new home every new fear all fade like the weather starting again, heart full of hope all of these years will not be remembered every new dream, every new home every new fear all fade like the weather starting again, heart full of hope all of these years will not be remembered treasure the skin, treasure the wound treasure the time spent healing each other living in sin, fading too soon from the delicate world we dream of together
4.
otherworld 04:08
there's no other world like i would dream of still just a stupid child, i know there's no reason, just ignorance and evil too tired to explain but you know heartbreak no change at all soulbreak shatter, resolve we break crumble and fall please make this world dissolve are my dreams still there? childish fantasies is there somewhere? these must be more than memories is there a way out of here? (save us) is there a way out of here? (please) please. i can't stand it here any longer we can't stand it please make these dreams more than fantasies is there a way out of here? is there a way out of here? is there a way out of here? take my mind take all my memories is there a way out of here? make these dreams more than fantasies but i'm still just a frightened little girl staring into the sun.

about

i've always been obsessed with places that feel unfamiliar, or maybe more specifically, places that explicitly lack signifiers of what i'm used to. i love everything that doesn't remind me of anything. there are all these apartment interiors that break my heart whenever i think of them because of their magical unfamiliarity that is so completely beyond language because of its specificity to my experience.

i feel like i've spent most of my life chasing that and running from everything else. when i was younger it was mostly fiction that held that feeling, crying myself to sleep thinking about myst island or the underworld in terranigma or whatever, but the more cities i visited as an adult the more addicted i got to the gorgeous, wordless feeling of unfamiliarity that a real inhabitable place can hold.

it's very hard for me to feel anything positive about myself and the things that remind me of myself, so if i end up moving to one of those magical places, my self-perception always overwrites most or all of the magic eventually; the only way to keep it alive is to hold it at a distance, never become used to it, never be there nearly as much as i need to.

these songs are partly an attempt to synthesize one of those places, and partly a nostalgic reflection on some of the ones that i already know of. it's a frustrating thing because what's magical and unfamiliar to me might be an instantly recognizable hell to somebody else. i wish i could convey the feeling to you more precisely - but then, maybe if i could, it would fade away forever.

credits

released November 24, 2020

Remy Boydell did the drawing of me on the cover art.

Ash Nerve wrote and performed harmonies throughout.

Marina Ayano Kittaka, ESPer99, Porpentine Charity Heartscape, Ash Nerve, emamouse and Devi McCallion performed backup vocals on the song "otherworld", which is about wishing you could escape somewhere magical from the hell that is this world. the aforementioned people are all very dear to me and i associate all of them with places that are, or were at one time, magical escapes to me.

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Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario

im rook from black dresses

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