1. |
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[...]that place
but there was no where to run to.
i know that place is missing a piece of its soul
we are old friends, we talk to each other at night
i tell her of the feelings that frighten me
being a place, she doesn't say much
but i don't mind, she listens to every word
i want to forget that place (death)
i want to forget that place (death)
everything (death)
everything (death)
i want to forget, forget, forget
i want to forget that place (death)
i want to forget, forget (death)
everything/i want to (death)
everything/i want to (death)
i want to forget, forget, forget
death
i had a dream about the shape of that place
it was the moment i knew that i had to
i whisper things to myself in the dark now
and that place cannot hear me
this feeling, it sticks to
the hope that someday it will go
but i know (it stays here)
and i left
i left because i thought i knew
she asks me if it's okay
her voice is so small
and i want to cry
so i look away
i nod, and she trembles
and then
everything
comes
apart
before i left i knew
that i would be fine someday
before i left i was a kind of parasite
now i don't know
i think i'm a danger to that place
so i stay away
and that's all i can do.
|
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2. |
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leave through the front door
night time
there is less to be scared of now
dark hoodie, blank eyes
you stare straight ahead
so nothing exists except for this
feeling
of something looming, close
too big to process
overhead, around
impossible, everywhere
it pushes your defenses aside
your eyes unfocus and
this world feels like it's holding
onto a piece of you
so it won't forget
so it won't forget.
please it forget, oh god
please let it forget
if i could start
if i could start again
i need to disappear
disappear
i don't understand who i think i am
this night is a well with no reflection
let me rephrase that
i know exactly who i am
it's just that i can't seem to
if i could start
i sink into this looming softness
the night receives me
but it doesn't tell me anything
the air envelopes me
the air envelopes me
something emerges from the well
listen
i can hear it
in this night i am
something more
i feel so far away
i don't know where i am
this place is a shell
of what it should be
i don't understand
|
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3. |
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i stood at the edge of that town
standing at the water's edge, looking down
we camped out in the oil fields
i got up at dawn
something inside felt wrong
i wish i could describe it
i need so badly to explain this feeling
quiet voice, cold eyes
embrace from behind
your touch, loose hoodie
the house was empty
i felt like screaming
you asked me what i'd look like if
but i said i didn't know
i didn't say and you didn't ask
but we knew
the desert air touched everything
the shape of that town
a memory of something
too big to process
too big to know at all
i don't know why you held me then
the way you did
things insignificant to you
feel so looming
i didn't say and you didn't ask
i was so confused by you
i didn't say and you didn't ask
what that place was doing
i didn't say
you didn't ask
and everything went just as it should have
and i didn't ask.
|
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4. |
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skin
sky
blood
eyes
warmth
life
cold
night
this is all i want
take my skin away
no body, no feeling
chest open
loving gaze
breath
grin
irreversible
alterations
body
screams
bleeds
heart
sings
this is all i want
take my skin away
no control i deserve this
body convulsing
irreparable change
i lie here in tatters
i want to be reduced to
a passive, ruined state
no choices, no function
and i will finally feel
calm and safe
your hands sew together what's left
the parts you couldn't replace
but you love just the same
tell me you love me just the same
i awake now, the pain is gone
i'm spread across this room
and your thoughts
i want to be remembered
by no one but you
take this
all of this
i'm yours ♡
the wires, the relays
my body is now something
beautiful and strange
no pain or agency
i am immobile
built into the circuits of this place
every month you visit
and tell me how good i've been
your breath against my face
no purpose, just waiting
it's everything that i want
the pain all stripped away
reduce me
|
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5. |
Dream of Mostly Blood
04:33
|
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what do i have to surrender
to be here
this place is only whispers
this place is barely here
this place is all i need
reduce me
what do i have to surrender
to be here
what do i have to surrender
to be?
who do you think i am
and why
(you'll see)
i'll be skin and blood, hanging
from the pieces of what you thought i was
I FEEL LIKE ENDING
i don't understand, but i'm used to it now
so this place is all i have
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
i'm not supposed to be here
it hurts like i have no words to explain
it doesn't go.
it doesn't go away
|
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6. |
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there is no way to feel this
i don't even know the words anymore
stop this
i don't think that i can make it
through this place
i don't think that i belong here
there are no words for this anymore
it feels like imagining
a different place you've never been
but want to go badly enough
to escape who you are
it feels like
imagining a different place
this is not a feeling
this is a memory of
some place
i won't let you in
it's too much for this
shadow of a place to handle
with words alone
words alone
words words words words
useless noises
the barrier weakens at the touch of this
but it still holds me out
i can
no
no
|
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7. |
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i'm sick of knowing what i came from
i'm sick of all this fear
of everything i could've been
it warps me
it turns me into a haunted object
screaming for something
30 by 30 room of wood and glass
this is my home i'm kept here
in pieces across the floor
configurations
flashing on the display
i see them
a million times a day
this is how i will spend my life
caught in alternate selves
the pale light
this is how i will spend my days
caught somewhere far away
i can feel it
it always comes back
deep in the pit of my stomach
it feels like
it feels like
i'm sick of knowing what i came from
i'm sick of all this fear
of what i could've been
it warps me it turns me into
a haunted object
screaming for this aching indecision
to leave me alone
i couldn't tell you when it started
i can barely explain
it feels like someone else
inside my brain
get me out
they can have it, i don't care
i'll find a better place
and stay there
this is how it ends
this is how it's always been
i can't remember, i don't know what i mean
reduce me
i want to be somewhere else
something else
anything else
|
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8. |
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i would give all skin
i would give all my blood
to feel it
i would give up the thought
of all expression
if i could feel your touch
tell me i'm nothing
hold me down
destroy me
breathe into my hair
that you want to break the skin
my veins
do whatever you want ♡
i don't think i was clear
it's not that simple
i want to be replaced
look at me like you don't even recall
i'm a plaything
pinned against your bedroom wall
i want to feel confusion
i want to be afraid
make me tremble
before you even touch me at all
take me apart
damage the pieces
keep me alive, but only just
make me something better than this
(but more than that i just want you to tell me it's okay)
|
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9. |
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i remember when we
i remember when
i remember when we
when we
it feels like something came loose just now
slipped into my body and drowned
i feel so still and small now
i hold back tears
but i'm almost fine somehow
i remember when we
i remember when
i remember when we
when we
|
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10. |
Dream of Abandonment
03:31
|
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there is only this looming feeling
there is only this
i don't know what i want to say
i don't think i belong here
the terror, the terror
rots somewhere inside
that you can't reach
i feel cornered
but everyone wants to look away
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
stop
i can see the exit clearly now
no, i don't mean
maybe...
i
i don't know
too many times
too many times
i feel i'm missing something
why do i feel so scared
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
i know that i deserve this.
i had a dream
that there was a way out
|
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11. |
Dream of Escape
03:51
|
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the soul of these streets will not let you go
the shape of the sky in this place holds us all down, so
hide in corners, make it seem so cold
the conversation here is like heavy snow
NO
THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME
I WILL RUN
sometimes, i wonder
if you die here what do they say about you?
it's not so bad from the outside
but i've been there
"she's just shy, this place is just fine"
NO
THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME
I WILL RUN
THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME
I WILL RUN
this is a prayer
to all that we could've been
if we had the chance
if we knew it
it's in the distance
it's in the fear of it
this town is nothing
this world is slow patient death
but i won't die here
NO
THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME
I WILL RUN
THIS WORLD IS NOT MY HOME
I WILL RUN
but there was nowhere to run to.
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12. |
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i remember the days before
i lived here
i don't have the words
to tell you what it's like
i just keep
clawing my way back
never
you won't understand this
i won't let you in
you won't understand this
i won't let you in
i am this place
in my mind
i can see it clearly
i can hear the waves inside
something
death
her veins are corridors
this place is only lonely
my veins are all so filled with
the memory of the world
a different world
you won't understand this
i won't let you in
it comes in waves like the ocean
it makes me feel like i want to die
you won't understand this
i won't let you in
you won't understand this
i won't let you in
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13. |
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don't stare at the ocean
don't stare at the sky
don't stare at the space between
everything here is made of painful light
i heard a song with a name like a wounded bird
broken pieces, shattered body
too far gone
too much hurt
the walls are blank and i'm trying
to tear the horizon apart
they said to look away
but i don't mind if it destroys me someday
don't look at anything at all
|
Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario
im rook from black dresses
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