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Graceless

from Deep Nausea by Ada Rook

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lyrics

little white moths in the shape of my thoughts
if i move too fast i will lose them all
i got holes in the shapes of the places i dream of
drilled in my spine so i always feel them
when did this happen, why this body
haven't thought about it since it happened to me
holes in my spine like the curves of your name
but i can't read the letters i just know the shape of my
thoughts their wings are a nervous tick
if i move too fast then they leave too quick
and i feel like something given too much
i try to process everything but my brain stops and

will i ever feel again
like i know where i begin
self transparent from the change
again

i've got something burned in the back of my mind
it's a name or a word or a couplet of rhyme
that tells me why i'm here and what i'm doing
but i can't read it it's always moving
the sky remembers what i've been
but if i stare it feels like a dream
another mind, another life and body
memories of dreams of flying, falling
and when they come into my mind
the old world burns in the glass of my eye
i get a surge of fields and trees and omens
a glimpse of home but i'm still broken

will i ever feel again
like i know where i begin
self transparent from the pain
again

i can't stand you seeing me like this
this body feels like someone else's skin
turn away and curl up in my mind
dreaming of the days when i could fly

graceless in this changing skin
the sky remembers what i've been
a different life so far away
that this body makes more distant every day

my thoughts stay longer every day
the old discomfort falls away
it hurts so much but you're still with me
i was so sure the knife would kill me
vitriolic words echo in my mind
the disgust on their face burned into my eyes
but you were there, i don't know why you do this
if only you could feel it

credits

from Deep Nausea, released September 23, 2016

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Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario

im rook from black dresses

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