1. |
escape
02:11
|
|||
it's getting hard to tell myself
that i am not just someone else
the person that i used to be
is getting hard to reconcile with me
i know i've come so far
and stayed alive for so long
but the vestigial parts of my mind
still visit me from time to time
never far from this
the tightness in my stomach and my chest
i hold myself together day-to-day
and hope for something that will
guarantee my next breath
and the one after and maybe leave me
stronger than this broken creature
scrawling out impenetrable sentences
that hide the truth of everything
that i have been through
parasitic thoughts reduce my agency to nothing
not this again i just got over the last time
never far from this
the tightness in my stomach and my chest
this is all i have left
the tightness in my stomach and my chest
|
||||
2. |
trust
03:10
|
|||
i dream of floating through the world alone
a ticket to a place where i can
be something that i have never known
where is home
a girl set adrift, am i becoming this
do i have a name
do i have a soul
i don't want to understand
but this is so much more complex than circumstance
what did i have
memory is hard to trust
am i at fault for feeling what i am
i try to convince myself that
i can repair the scars and holes
there is anger at the thought
of being what i'm not
this is all that i have known, so
i can't feel it, i don't know
i am haunted
i am cold
i don't want to understand
but this is so much more complex than circumstance
what did i have
memory is hard to trust
am i at fault for feeling what i am
|
||||
3. |
forget
03:25
|
|||
i can make it out
i can start again
i can be someone else
i can pretend
in the colors of
this moment i can comprehend
the parts of me i must destroy
but they cannot break, only bend
in a perfect dream
i'm forgotten, i'm long dead
i am someone else
no part of me in her head
i can step away from this
i can step into the red
my body fails again
please just tell me
what did you intend?
my soul is the shape
of a bad dream
there are tides of evil
that if i end my life will recede
but it is not the end
i'm not awake, i'm not asleep
there was something you once said
i can't remember, i'm so weak
|
||||
4. |
tomorrow
02:03
|
|||
i hold my breath and wait for something
a different life to eat my soul and leave me dying
just keep it together until the end
tomorrow
when you can crawl a little closer to death
OH GOD PLEASE LET ME DIE
WHY AM I EVEN ALIVE
|
||||
5. |
flicker
03:31
|
|||
i know
i'm asking you
but i'm so scared i can barely breathe
i know that i can be so much more
if i can find the strength to
i need help with this
i can't seem to do it myself
the thought of giving up control
stops me from so much that i need
i know that i can be so much more
if i just let you
i can barely
i can
i can barely breathe
i don't see the pieces coming apart
i don't know why
i know that i can be so much more
i know
|
||||
6. |
ok
02:49
|
|||
7. |
host
03:42
|
|||
it comes from outside the mind
all defenses compromised
it comes from inside the soul
it's already in you, you know
i'm so sorry i'm so scared
of everything when i am there
i try to tell you why i'm like this
but i only make it worse
a crisis of the heart, of the brain
come apart, why am i even alive
who are you
what am i
please make me die
it's what you know but can't say
it burns all your healing away
stripping bare the bones of
what you thought you had to be
to kill the fear of what you're not
but you are caught and it is free
and screaming
"i'm so terrified of you now"
the spiral doesn't end
it always starts again
there's only fear of mind
there is no peace inside
THE SPIRAL DOES NOT END
IT ONLY STARTS AGAIN
THERE IS ONLY FEAR OF MIND
THERE IS NO PEACE INSIDE
i don't know myself
i just want to be okay
i don't know who you are
to me
i just need
to feel
safe
can you help me?
please
|
||||
8. |
disease
03:47
|
|||
i saw the light of what you were to me
burning like a beacon just out of reach
the terror spilled out from a secret place
pushing everyone i love so far away
i think that i have a secret i can't tell
falling backwards, safety broken
i wish you well
i know that deep inside there's just disease
a wound inside a rotting memory
but amidst the wreckage and the sparks and blood
i can still find faces and names that i love
for all my cold lugubriosity
i just want you to be happy with and without me.
i cannot feel my place in this anymore
|
||||
9. |
asphalt
02:23
|
|||
i hope when you think of me
years from now
you feel nothing
i still remember
what you said to me when i was 15
screaming about killing myself on my bedroom floor
i hope you understand
i still doubt myself
about things you have no idea happened to me
you never fucking knew me
and i never fucking knew you
and sometimes i see your face in people i love and i hate you
people say "no matter where you go, there you are"
as if it's fucking true
eight words that i tried to kill with the weakness
of my emaciated body as i cursed this town from the asphalt
the sky in this place looks familiar and i'm so scared
i woke up here again and i memorize the sky and the trees
and the asphalt and i'm dying
just kill me already and bury my soul in the asphalt
do you remember?
what the solution to all of my problems was
as you spoke it
you did not know what to do with me
"don't say that"
"don't think bad thoughts"
did you know the name of what you were inflicting?
speak truth to me
lock eyes with me
***HAVE YOU EVER LET YOURSELF FEEL ANYTHING?***
okay.
|
||||
10. |
damage
03:59
|
|||
i want to be a hole in your memory
i keep myself away
from you
i keep myself away
from the thought of you
i want to be a hole in your memory
i didn't cause the kind of damage i'd hoped for
but i still felt somewhere else for days
trying to bring myself back from nowhere
or just trying to escape
did you really not hate yourself?
your soul's so fucking strong under all your pain
i broke so early
and i still don't feel okay
i still want to be a hole in your memory
i still want to burn myself out of your haunted eyes
i still want to kill my body
and fall so far i'll never make it back alive
i don't wish things had been better
i wish i'd died
i wish there was nothing
to connect me to that life
i can't convey the hate i have for who i used to be
i wanna wreck her mind
so she won't have the chance to become me
hold me close and tell me everything's alright
|
||||
11. |
somehow
05:53
|
|||
i was scattered and broken
but you saw the rest of me
you heard what i had to leave unspoken
you understood what i had to be
can i ever be whole again
or is this it?
crying in your arms again
and hating it
i'm carving at my soul
to make it fit
cut my skin away
so i can live
i feel like something that should not be alive
a puncture wound in the goodness of your life
i know my gentleness is rotten inside
when you say that you love me
it makes me want to cry
can i ever be whole again
or is this it?
crying in your arms again
and hating it
i'm carving at my soul
to make it fit
cut my skin away
so i can live
i'm holding on somehow
i'm still alive for now
can i ever be whole again
or is this it?
crying in your arms again
i must be faking it
i'm carving at my soul
to make it fit
cut my skin away
so i can live
it makes me terrified
it makes me sick
and when i'm in it
i cannot resist
i tried to die
but i could not commit
and it feels so much worse
to see you hurting
from what i did
|
||||
12. |
cocoon
03:26
|
|||
the wires in my body
connect me to this place
i can't control the signal
it sends to the pieces of my brain
every time i look away
it comes back to life
every time i think i'm safe
it just starts all over again
this is all i know
repetition burning slow
it doesn't go it doesn't
it doesn't go it never goes
it just holds me down
the wires in my body
connect me to this place
i can't control the signal
it sends to the pieces of my brain
every time i
|
||||
13. |
parasite
04:49
|
|||
i can only tell you what i've recovered
i can only tell you what i know
there are parts of me that broke into pieces
there are parts that only cracked like stone
and in the stillness of the moment
there is doubt i can't afford to show
there's awareness that i can't tell the difference
between what i call hell and home
i can feel myself slipping away
with every step i take
but you're right here with me
i can feel myself slipping away
with every step i take
but you're here
i know it's not all that i am
(but it takes her over)
i know i'm so much more than that
(does anyone even know her?)
some days it feels like i've already died
some days i don't feel anything inside
i can feel myself slipping away
with every step i take
but you're right here with me
i can feel myself slipping away
with every step i take
but you're right here with me
i can feel myself slipping away
with every step i take
but you're right here
i can feel myself slipping away
away
with you
with you.
|
Ada Rook Toronto, Ontario
im rook from black dresses
Streaming and Download help
If you like Ada Rook, you may also like:
Bandcamp Daily your guide to the world of Bandcamp